I guess I dont care if people read this or not…
But I started to self harm myself when I was really little because everday I would be bullied, and everyday you would find me under my desk. I
I loved my father, but when I got introuble, he would spank me so hard, that it would knock the breath out of me…I can still remember what i sounded like. I can remember every detail of it…It was like he was a different person.
When my mom hurt me, she would yell at me, and tell me that i needed to shutup. I would go to my room, completely crying, and feeling like i was worthless.
I was adopted, and in the womb, my real mom smoked, did drugs, and drank. And she knew i was in there. Which makes me feel like crap. I was born with withdrawals.
So when I was spanked, it wasnt because it really hurt, well yeah, it did. But not nearly as much as it felt like he didnt want me.(my dad.)
Now, I am still thinking about it.
My dad and mom werent always there for me when i was younger. I dont remember anything good when i was younger. I have so many memories but as far as i know they’re all bad….
Ive had some mental scarring at a very young age.
I watched someone get raped infront of my very eyes and then Literally throw her out into the streets.
That happened when I was seven.
I witnessed someone getting shot in the head.
That happened when i was nine…
I have so many memories. I have personal stuff that has happened to me. And i dont understand my reason for being. I just..
want to end it all.
I just need someone to talk to me. Before I do something really stupid..Ive already tried twice.
I shook hands with death a few times. But i never got a full on welcoming..