Confession

I often upset my mom. All the time. She misses the “old me” I’ve done so much crap that i don’t even remember who the “old me” was. So, for three years, I’ve been searching for her…I had an alter ego. Her name was Jade. Somehow, we’re slowly becoming into one person.

I’m scared of her. Crazy stuff happens. My mom doesn’t know about Jade. But she’s starting to catch glimpses of her…And I know, it’ll break my mom.

I love my mom, but I know I keep hurting her. But I’m hurting myself more trying to be someone I’m not.

I am stereotyped the emo cutter girl, the slut, the druggie, the drunk girl. I don’t care anymore. I really don’t. They’re not even offensive. I have built walls that are hard to break. I cry for help all the time. But I often am left alone. 

I’m a bit bipolar…I have pills for it. I would love to use it as an excuse…but it isn’t one. This time. It’s all me. 

My past is often triggered. I fully believed I killed on of my friends, the other best friend we planned a pact, and it didn’t work out. She died, I lived. And my baby died…He was born with problems. on Five percent brain. He was a lot of work….But that’s not the point. The point is. I’m here and they’re not. Everytime I think about it, I gain a scar….And my mother wonders why I’m so depressed…Although, theres more to my story…

I am restricting myself..

CREDIT